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All I Want for Christmas Is Escada Swarovski Crystal Jeans My pal, Miz Susan, had to head out to the Galleria to work on winnowing down her holiday list, so I told her I'd fill in on the blog today, offering my always fabulous shopping tips.
If I'd left Susan to discuss the subject, she'd be all about "I'm on a budget, blah blah blah." A budget? Poo. That word's not even in my vocabulary, unless my stable hand says, "Hey, Tiff, can't seem to get Appletini's ass louis vuitton taiga leather briefcase out of the stall, even when I try to budge it." Look, I've done my best to pick out truly reasonable items for everyone on your gift list (meaning: me, me, me!); so don't panic, even if your trust fund is tied up in litigation because your money manager had been donating to a charitable organization that turned out to have funded a small sect of wannabe terrorists in Aruba. I do know how to spot a bargain, particularly if it's really sparkly. Which leads me to my first recommendation, as noted in the title of my piece (because I'm anything but subtle): Escada Couture Swarovski Crystal jeans, available at Neiman Marcus for a mere $10,000. Honestly, you can never have too many jeans, and why not have a pair that glitters like the Vegas strip when you're caught in the headlights of your boyfriend's Lamborghini? Just be really careful about wiping sweaty palms on your thighs when you're wearing these babies, as you can cut yourself up pretty good. (Don't ask.) If you like something simpler, you can always go with the Dolce Gabbana Astrakhan jeans, which are incredibly priced at $3,950. It's like stealing, I swear. For the very special woman on your list who likes things soft and fuzzy (and that's me, me, me!), how about a lovely and practical Louis Vuitton mink scarf, a mere pittance at $1,710. It can double as a mink pillow if you stay at a hotel where the sheets smell too bleachy (yeah, Paris Hilton, and you can tell you dad I said so!). Not into scarves? Then go for J. Mendel's sable vest (price tag: $19,500). Though I'm afraid my arms would get cold, so, please, spring for both. You wouldn't want me wandering into Donald Trump's Christmas Eve bash hacking up phelgm 'cuz I've got pneumonia, now would you? The perfect outfit for any holiday party is the little black dress, and Miu Miu has the cutest ruffled one for a paltry $820. I know. What a deal, huh? And since you'll only wear it once, you won't feel like you're getting ripped off louis vuitton shoes collection or anything. You're probably saying, "Tiff, my God! What fantastico ideas! Surely you can't have more?" Like this little gem: Faraone Mennella for Carolina Herrera citrine, rose quartz and pink tourmaline brooch. It's understated yet pretty as my picture. "But what's that cost, Tiff?" I hear you asking. To which I reply, "You can easily afford it AND the mortgage payments on your villa in Tuscany without selling off those Rembrandt etchings." $14,000. Yes, that's right. Unbelievable, huh? So make it two, please! You're wondering, too, about New Year's Eve, because you'd like to bring a bottle of bubbly to that party Skip and Bitsy Vanderhaven are throwing in Greenwich. My suggestion? Take them a set of Hermes cocktail glasses (just $400 a glass) and the Louis Roederer Cristal Champagne 1990 ($231). I guarantee, they will be your pals for life (or at least until you give them a really bad gift at the next party, if I move to Paris which I'm contemplating and won't be around to advise you). And, finally, the perfect holiday present. One that will never be returned or re gifted. Here goes (drumroll, please, Ringo): a yoga retreat at Hotel Tugu in Bali. At $2,590 per couple x four nights, it's even cheaper than the jeans! So there you are, my darlings. Have your valet or your personal assistant wrap 'em up, and you're all finished. It was a lot easier than you thought, wasn't it? Because life is too short to waste a lot of time in places called "The Galleria" when you could be at the spa, getting high colonics and Brazilian bikini waxes and your eyebrows plucked to smithereens. And I been a fan of Harrod food since my first (OK, and only) visit there a few years ago. For the food a holic on your list (Santa, that would be me, of course), check out the Ennismore hamper, featuring an amazing selection of spirits, condiments, and other goodies. Not only is the selection fabuluous, but it on sale for 649 pounds, down from 750. Talk about a steal... I may wear Birkenstocks, but I love purses, handbags, and totes of all shapes and sizes. Santa, please bring me the Luella Bartley Carmen Biker Bag (it has the cutest little stirrup on the front), on sale from Neiman Marcus for only $697 (down from $995 you can buy it for me and save nearly $300 to spend on someone else!!). Alternatively, Santa, you could use the $300 you save on the handbag and the 100 pounds you save on the hamper and use that as a down payment on the gorgeous Labor Of Love bracelet from the Sundance catalog. It not on sale, but look at it this way. You saved about $500 on the first two gifts, so really it only an additional $340 investment in a bracelet that chock full of positive life energy and chi think of how much I save in psychiatric bills! I know, Santa, you saying to yourself "But you just bought a horse, dammit, what more do you want???" And louis vuitton alma gm monogram you right I have more important things to think about than food, purses, and jewelry. I don suppose you seen that nice Crosby Prix de Nation saddle at Dover Saddlerey? The one that marked down to $1995 from $2217? Now that I think about it, the price difference there would just about pay for the rest of the bracelet... Kerry December 07, louis vuitton purse authentication 2005 at 08:25 AM Joshie poo, you so smart to plan ahead if Pammie will be a holiday guest. She is such a pain in the a, what with her "no fur, no meat, and only artificial sweeteners (because that pretty much her biochemistry)." Have you ever seen her without makeup??? No eyebrows. Really. It scary. Nancie, you gun moll, you! I think I could get you the boyfriend and the Lamborghini for just a smidge extra. Come to think of it, I do know a guy who could get you an especially "hot" car anyway in exchange for a carton of AK 47s. Tiff Van Cleef Arpel December 07, 2005 at 11:29 AM Sorry Tiff, the carton of AK 47s was traded for a Barrett M95, and a reversible Kevlar vest. It's sooo adorable, black on one side, and pink on the other, perfect for many occasions.
The carton was taking up too much space in the garage, but don't tell Harley, or she'll fill it up with books. So that would be a no go on the "hot" car trade, besides my police friends get really testy about me doing business with anyone except them. I'm sure they would arrange a set uper I mean trade with your guy.
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